God’s way is better, yet again.

A recap of my Lenten journey.

One of the things I decided to really focus on this Lent, as far as improving myself, was not worrying so much. I’ve always had a problem with worrying and stressing out about things. Consequently, it’s had a very immense negative effect on my health. Now, I’ve always trusted in God, and I know that God will take care of me. However, I still can’t help but worry about things and try and take things into my own hands as well. I decided at the beginning of Lent that I would do my best to work on this, and many blessings have happened to help me grow in this way.

Right at the beginning of Lent, I went to confession with Fr. John from St. Lawrence, the same guy who married my uncle and aunt this past summer. I have heard him give a few homilies, and had never been too impressed with the guy, even though my uncle and aunt always said they really liked him. Apparently God was out to prove my impression wrong. In reconciliation, I explained that I wanted to work on my worrying problem and let go of things to trust completely into God’s care. He shared his reflection of a great Biblical tale with me, in a way I had never really thought about before, and I will never forget it.

The fishermen stood at the shore. They had just gotten off their boat after a long, totally unproductive day of catching absolutely nothing. Exhausted and ready to head home, hungry, Jesus approached them and told them to go back out into the sea and catch some fish to eat. They thought, “Who does this guy think he is? We’ve been out here all day, and have caught nothing. We’re professionals. We’ve done this every day of our lives, for a living. Nobody knows more about what we do than us.”

Nevertheless, the fishermen went out into the sea. They returned with so many fish that their boat was just about ready to sink. By trusting in what Jesus told them to do and putting aside their own concerns, thoughts, and ideas about what to do, they were able to be fruitful and productive, and ended up with much more than they even needed.

When I worry about things, I’m like Peter, saying “I know what I’m doing better than You do, God.” Even though I trust that God’s going to take care of everything, I just have to drop everything and realize that God’s got me covered, totally. There’s no need for me to worry about anything. It will not change the outcome of something, although preparation will. What I need to work on now is drawing the line between preparing and worrying. Where am I going too far taking things into my own hands to make sure that they are going to be “perfect” or “flawless.” Instead, what do I reasonably need to do to accomplish what I need to, and when do I need to stop and leave the rest to God?

Thinking about this new, different perspective on a story that I had heard so many times before has changed my life. After being in the hospital for a week because of my heart problems that still are bothering me, I realize that I’m actually doing quite well about not worrying about it, especially considering that the doctors still don’t know what’s wrong. I’ve noticed a change while I’m doing music ministry as well. I’m more confident about what I do being able to put aside all the hectic excessive preparation and worry about how things will go, and just be an instrument that God is playing. God doesn’t require me to nearly kill myself in the process of doing ministry to others. That would be neglecting and denying myself for that sake.

In conclusion, I’m now able to almost consistently say “God’s got me totally covered, everything is cool. And that’s a beautiful thing.

God Bless,
Chris