This should keep you going for at least a good minute.

Oh hai, look I made a LOL:

Click here and vote foar it a 5 nao plzkthx.

If you haven’t heard yet, you might be interested in hearing how Dr. Neil Warren, founder of eHarmony.com, found love on the internet. There’s only one problem. It was on one of his major competitors’ sites, match.com! Take a look at this: http://www.onlinedatingmagazine.com/news2008/neilwarrenlove.html

And now that you’ve read through that, we can learn two valuable lessons:

1. Online dating is kinda a joke.

AND

2. Always look at a calendar before you believe stuff

I came across quite an article this morning, which you can see here. Apparently, a woman from Tai Dong managed to deliver her own baby, in the bathroom of a train…and then flush him down a toilet.

I am still trying to desperately fathom how on earth this would be possible. The baby was 6 pounds. How on earth does a 6 pound baby even begin to fit through the hole in a toilet?

Even more shocking, rescuers came and were successfully able to cut the baby out of the pipes and save it.

So, is this story plausible? It seems highly unlikely, but we might never know if it was just made up or really happened.

At any rate, maybe they’ll name him “John.”

Perhaps you’ve heard that there have been several notions to change the onomatopoeia for Santa Claus’ laugh to “Ha, ha, ha!” Australian Santas, in fact, have been forbidden to use the original phrase any longer. Apparently, “Ho, ho, ho!” resembles “Hoe, hoe, hoe!” a bit too much. After all, we wouldn’t want little children to know about Santa’s raging sexual desires, would we?

Well, he does deliver the toys very late at night, and is in plenty of cities. We all know what sort of individuals come out in cities late in night.

Ooh, and have you ever wondered why Santa’s “helpers” are always much younger women dressed very sexily (and not very much)? Here’s an example of what I mean. You know the type. It’s always seemed a bit odd to me, but it’s all making sense now…

Quick! Call up Mrs. Claus! Though, she’s probably not going to like this…

Oh and by the way, I’m actually dead serious about the notions to change it to “Ha, Ha, Ha!” Look it up if you don’t believe me: news stories here and here.

Sooo…did you think I forgot today’s monday snicker? I’ll bet you did, didn’t you?
Well, guess what? The joke’s on you! That’s right!

And now, here’s a real joke:

An old lady sits on her front porch, rocking away the last days of her long life, when all of a sudden, a fairy godmother appears and informs her that she will be granted three wishes.

There before her stands a young man more handsome than anyone could possibly imagine. She stares at him, smitten. With a smile that makes her knees weak, he saunters across the porch and whispers in her ear, ”Bet you’re sorry you had me neutered.’‘

This joke came from jokes.com

I came across this on Digg the other day and thought it was absolutely hilarious. Apparently, people have figured out how to hack the display on HP LaserJet printers to show whatever text they like rather than the default “READY” message. Reading the comments, people even did this at their jobs to play a prank on their colleagues, changing the message to other things such as:

• INSERT COIN
• PC LOAD LETTER
  
• BBQ SAUCE LOW
  
• ENTER PASSWORD
  
• HUMAN DETECTED
  
• LANE CLOSED

• I AM YOUR FATHER
  
• UPLOADING TO CIA
  
• RADIATION LEAK
  
• POWER FLUID LOW
  
• PLEASE BUY VOWEL

For more, see this site.

This pretty much explains it all. Just glad I can contribute too!

After living in the city for a couple months now, I’ve realized there are many things you quickly discover when you “live in the center of it all.” Here are some useful things to know for your next trip downtown.

1. It’s actually better to not look around.
Many people expect that the greatest danger when living in the city is that of being attacked or mugged while walking along the street. Consequently, they look around and try to stay aware of the people around them and their other surroundings. I have discovered that this is actually ineffective in protecting you from your greatest danger, and you are better off looking down. This is because your greatest danger in the city is the sidewalk. That’s right, the sidewalk. Always look down while you walk so that you see all the cracks in the sidewalk and don’t trip and fall. Of course you could learn the hard way, but I have found that in this case it’s actually not so great.

2. Friendly animals are not necessarily rabid.
In the city, animals are accustomed to being around people all the time, and tend to be much less frightened by them than animals in the suburbs or country. It is not unusual for animals, particularly squirrels and pigeons, to approach you expecting you to feed them. They are not dangerous! Unless they are charging at you and foaming at the mouth, you have nothing to worry about.

3. Racism doesn’t work on squirrels, either.
While we’re on the topic of animals…for some reason, black squirrels seem to be more popular in the city than they are in the suburbs. I assure you, however, they are no less squirrely than regular squirrels. They still chase each other around, nag you for food, bury food in random places, and run in the middle of the road just as much as any other squirrel. Just like with people, color doesn’t matter. Imagine that… So, don’t feel deprived in any way when it comes to squirrels.

4. Avoid creepy looking drunk people.
You will likely discover many creepy people in the city. Characteristics of such people include drunkenness, standing in the middle of the road, cursing to themselves, holding a bottle of vodka, and slowly waddling toward you. These people are sometimes harmless but often are extremely dangerous. Individuals who also hold a cigarette in their free hand (the other is holding the bottle) are the most dangerous. For your own safety, avoid confrontation with such people and without drawing attention to yourself, get away from them. I don’t imagine it is pleasant to be beaten upside the head with a sharp broken glass bottle.

5. Smoke means walk the other direction.
Sometimes you will see billows of smoke floating across the sky. This generally indicates that something is on fire. It is not a good idea to walk in the direction toward the fire, because of some of the basic principles of fire. First, fire spreads, and you don’t want it to spread on top of you. Second, fire ignites flammable things like gas lines and other things that would cause explosions. The more distant you are from an explosion, the safer you are. But, most importantly of all, smoke is bad for your lungs, so just get away from it.

If you follow these simple and practical tips, you will be just fine on your next trip to the city. Just remember to be safe, be smart, and understand what your real dangers are.