The "C" Branch

Jaded commentary on random shit, with an extra helping of cynicism, satire and general contempt for society & Western culture, religion, politics, celebrities, technology, business & more.

Apr 21

Introducing StupidError.com


Remember way back when there was a “Funny Errors and Glitches” section on The “C” Branch, or even the old CDeMar22? Well, I came across some archives the other day and decided that would be a great idea to bring back and turn into a new site.

Head on over to www.StupidError.com to check out our totally awesome, all-new Errors and Glitches website.

And don’t forget to submit your funniest error screens!

Oct 29

The Joke’s on You


Sooo…did you think I forgot today’s monday snicker? I’ll bet you did, didn’t you?
Well, guess what? The joke’s on you! That’s right!

And now, here’s a real joke:


An old lady sits on her front porch, rocking away the last days of her long life, when all of a sudden, a fairy godmother appears and informs her that she will be granted three wishes.

”Well, now,” says the old lady, ”I guess I would like to be really rich.”

Her rocking chair turns to solid gold.

”And, gee, I guess I wouldn’t mind being a young, beautiful princess.”

She turns into a beautiful young woman.

”Your third wish?” asks the fairy godmother. Just then the old woman’s cat wanders across the porch in front of them. ”Ooh – can you change him into a handsome prince?” she asks.

There before her stands a young man more handsome than anyone could possibly imagine. She stares at him, smitten. With a smile that makes her knees weak, he saunters across the porch and whispers in her ear, ”Bet you’re sorry you had me neutered.’

This joke came from jokes.com

Oct 22

Insert Coin (A Monday Snicker)


I came across this on Digg the other day and thought it was absolutely hilarious. Apparently, people have figured out how to hack the display on HP LaserJet printers to show whatever text they like rather than the default “READY” message. Reading the comments, people even did this at their jobs to play a prank on their colleagues, changing the message to other things such as:
INSERT COIN

  • INSERT COIN
  • PC LOAD LETTER
  • BBQ SAUCE LOW
  • ENTER PASSWORD
  • HUMAN DETECTED
  • LANE CLOSED

  • I AM YOUR FATHER
  • UPLOADING TO CIA
  • RADIATION LEAK
  • POWER FLUID LOW
  • PLEASE BUY VOWEL

For more, see this site.

Oct 15

Blogging Explained (A Monday Snicker)


This pretty much explains it all. Just glad I can contribute too!
Blogging Monkeys

Oct 08

Yummy (A Monday Snicker)


You may not want to read this one until after lunch, guys…

One day a man was walking in the woods when he got lost.
For two days he roamed around trying to find a way out.
He had not eaten anything during this period and was
famished. Over on a rock ledge he spotted a bald eagle,
killed it, and started to eat it. Surprisingly a couple of
park rangers happen to find him at that moment, and
arrested him for killing an endangered species.

At court, he plead innocent to the charges against him
claiming that if he didn’t eat the bald eagle he would
have died from starvation. The judge ruled in his favor.
In the judges closing statement he asked the man, “I
would like you to tell me something before I let you go.
I have never eaten a bald eagle, nor ever plan on it.
What did it taste like?” The man answered, “Well,
it tasted like a cross between a whooping crane and a
spotted owl.”

Read more jokes at Jokes2Go.

Oct 01

Men vs. Women (A Monday Snicker)


Here are just a few of the many comical differences between women and men. If you’d like to read more, you can see the full list here.

Maturity
Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year-old females can function as adults. Most 17-year-old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work out.

Nicknames
If Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle get together for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle. But if Mike, Dave, Rob and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will affectionately refer to each other as Bullet-Head, Godzilla, Peanut-Brain and Useless.

Bathrooms
A man has six items in his bathroom – a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

Groceries
A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes to the store and buys these things. A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lime and a beer. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reached the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter that the Clampett’s car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the 10-items-or-less lane.

Telephones
Men see the telephone as a communication tool. They use the telephone to send short messages to other people. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.

Cameras
Men take photography very seriously. They’ll shell out $4000 for state of the art equipment, and build dark rooms and take photography classes. Women purchase Kodak Instamatics. Of course women always end up taking better pictures.

Going Out
When a man says he is ready to go out, it means he is ready to go out. When a woman says she is ready to go out, it means she will be ready to go out, as soon as she finds her earring, finishes putting on her makeup…

And, on that note, I’m ready to go out now, so I’m outta here now. G’day.