Sooo…did you think I forgot today’s monday snicker? I’ll bet you did, didn’t you?
Well, guess what? The joke’s on you! That’s right!

And now, here’s a real joke:

An old lady sits on her front porch, rocking away the last days of her long life, when all of a sudden, a fairy godmother appears and informs her that she will be granted three wishes.

There before her stands a young man more handsome than anyone could possibly imagine. She stares at him, smitten. With a smile that makes her knees weak, he saunters across the porch and whispers in her ear, ”Bet you’re sorry you had me neutered.’‘

This joke came from jokes.com

I came across this on Digg the other day and thought it was absolutely hilarious. Apparently, people have figured out how to hack the display on HP LaserJet printers to show whatever text they like rather than the default “READY” message. Reading the comments, people even did this at their jobs to play a prank on their colleagues, changing the message to other things such as:

• INSERT COIN
• PC LOAD LETTER
  
• BBQ SAUCE LOW
  
• ENTER PASSWORD
  
• HUMAN DETECTED
  
• LANE CLOSED

• I AM YOUR FATHER
  
• UPLOADING TO CIA
  
• RADIATION LEAK
  
• POWER FLUID LOW
  
• PLEASE BUY VOWEL

For more, see this site.

This pretty much explains it all. Just glad I can contribute too!

You may not want to read this one until after lunch, guys…

One day a man was walking in the woods when he got lost.
For two days he roamed around trying to find a way out.
He had not eaten anything during this period and was
famished. Over on a rock ledge he spotted a bald eagle,
killed it, and started to eat it. Surprisingly a couple of
park rangers happen to find him at that moment, and
arrested him for killing an endangered species.

At court, he plead innocent to the charges against him
claiming that if he didn’t eat the bald eagle he would
have died from starvation. The judge ruled in his favor.
In the judges closing statement he asked the man, “I
would like you to tell me something before I let you go.
I have never eaten a bald eagle, nor ever plan on it.
What did it taste like?” The man answered, “Well,
it tasted like a cross between a whooping crane and a
spotted owl.”

Read more jokes at Jokes2Go.

Here are just a few of the many comical differences between women and men. If you’d like to read more, you can see the full list here.

Maturity
Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year-old females can function as adults. Most 17-year-old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work out.

Nicknames
If Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle get together for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle. But if Mike, Dave, Rob and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will affectionately refer to each other as Bullet-Head, Godzilla, Peanut-Brain and Useless.

Bathrooms
A man has six items in his bathroom - a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

Groceries
A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes to the store and buys these things. A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lime and a beer. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reached the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter that the Clampett’s car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the 10-items-or-less lane.

Telephones
Men see the telephone as a communication tool. They use the telephone to send short messages to other people. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.

Cameras
Men take photography very seriously. They’ll shell out $4000 for state of the art equipment, and build dark rooms and take photography classes. Women purchase Kodak Instamatics. Of course women always end up taking better pictures.

Going Out
When a man says he is ready to go out, it means he is ready to go out. When a woman says she is ready to go out, it means she will be ready to go out, as soon as she finds her earring, finishes putting on her makeup…

And, on that note, I’m ready to go out now, so I’m outta here now. G’day.

Off from work today? Yikes! Just look what you could be missing out on:

Happy Labor Day, everyone, and thanks for all the work you do, no matter what it is, even despite all you have to go through to do it. You’re appreciated, even though it might not always seem that way. Thanks!

I wasn’t on a computer at all yesterday, so that kinda clipped my ability to post a Monday Snicker, now didn’t it? Hopefully these outrageous quotes will make up for it though! These are things that someone really said and were then overheard in New York.

Thanks for letting me borrow your phone. Oh, let me wipe my sweat off of it. I sweat like a Southerner in a spelling bee.

This is too funny. Mean as it is, you’ve just got to laugh.

Waitress: We don’t serve assholes here.
Customer: This is New York. How do you stay in business?

Don’t feel bad, New Yorkers. Michigan is not much better.

This will sound really weird, but different instruments made me have to pee more. I was like, ‘Damn you, saxophone!’

I want to know where this musician chick is and why I don’t know her! I think she’s on to something!

Clerk: Nice purse.
Man: Thanks. It came free with the relationship and subsequent castration.

My heart goes out to all you married folks out there.

And, saving the best for last:

Man: I sell watches. I’m going to have cards made… I’m a horologist.
Chick: I’m just a whore.

Have a great day everyone!

Monday is traditionally classified as a draggy day. After a nice, restful, but way too short weekend, it’s unfortunately time to head back to work or school. Mondays are just not fun, no matter how anxious you might think you are to get back to the office or classroom. Sometimes, you could really use something to laugh at to lighten up the situation. Well, hopefully the new “Monday Snicker” posts here on The “C” Branch will cheer you up and brighten your day!

I actually got this idea from my friend Ilker Yoldas at The Thinking Blog. He currently has a challenge to see who can make the best LOLCat (or other animal) picture caption. So, if you’re up for the challenge, go check it out now!

So, whether it’s a funny LOLCat pic, a witty joke, a funny quote, wacky cartoon, amusing video, or some other comical goodie, be sure to stop by and grab your Monday Snicker here at The “C” Branch!

Left: My friend’s cat “Baxter” tries to take over our IM conversation.