The "C" Branch

Jaded commentary on random shit, with an extra helping of cynicism, satire and general contempt for society & Western culture, religion, politics, celebrities, technology, business & more.

Nov 06

South Park Redefines a Homosexual Slur and Upsets Gay Rights Activists

I just happened to come across this, and as I don’t really watch South Park, it was the first I had heard of it. In a recent episode, the South Park authors have attempted to redefine the word “Fag,” which has traditionally been a slur against homosexuals, to what the word is more commonly used to refer to – “an inconsiderate douchebag [like a harley rider],” according to the animation.

Southpark Redefines Fag to Mean Obnoxious Harley Riders
“You can be gay and not be a fag…a lot of fags aren’t gay.”

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Sep 29

Facebook: Ridding the Workforce of Idiots Since 2004

Many people (like the one below) do not realize that employers, colleges, and other institutions that have the ability to accept/deny people often take social networking and media profiles into consideration as part of the process. Further, many institutions continually monitor their employees’/students’/etc profiles even after they have approved someone, for the entire time that person is with that particular institution. This allows them to constantly keep that person under review.

While this does present creepy privacy concerns, it does have a bright side. It helps “prune” the workforce and educational system of morons that have absolutely no common sense (see picture).

Mar 31

What Constitutes True Wealth?

Prosperity and happiness don’t come from money. Here’s what really counts.

In America as well as many other industrialized countries throughout the world, wealth has unfortunately come to be known, for the most part, in a financial sense. This, however, is a great shame because money in actuality is the least meaningful and significant aspect of wealth. There are so many things that are so much more valuable and that provide a much richer understanding of what wealth really is.

For the remainder of this article, I will discuss some of the things I believe constitute true wealth, and suggest some ways to achieve the wealth found in these sources.
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Apr 01

The Irony of Online Dating

If you haven’t heard yet, you might be interested in hearing how Dr. Neil Warren, founder of, found love on the internet. There’s only one problem. It was on one of his major competitors’ sites,! Take a look at this:

And now that you’ve read through that, we can learn two valuable lessons:

  1. Online dating is kinda a joke.
  2. AND

  3. Always look at a calendar before you believe stuff
Jan 29

These Congressmen Are Killing Me

I happened to come across this news article on the other day – apparently a New York senator wants to ban the use of electronic devices while crossing the street. He doesn’t just want to ban iPods while crossing the street, which actually makes some sense since you can’t hear sirens or traffic if you have headphones on, though it’s still stupid. He actually wants to ban any electronic device, including cell phones, portable video game systems, and video players. I don’t know if he plans on forbidding people from crossing the street while on bluetooth headsets too, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he did.

Now, I’ll be the first to say that when I’m blasting music into my ears with my iPod, I’m completely oblivious to outside noises. So, I acknowledge that there is perhaps some degree of danger in crossing the street if you don’t know that there’s an ambulance speeding down the road before it hits you. In fact, I’ll even agree that a bill to prohibit blind people from crossing the road while listening to their iPods would be just dandy. Normally, however, sirens conveniently come from some sort of physical, visible thing that any semi-intelligent living thing (that can see) would be easily aware of. If you can’t handle crossing a road without being able to hear, you just might need to get run over a few times so you can learn how to.

Honestly, if crossing a busy road, I would probably pause the song I was listening to, and turn it back on when I got to the other side. I just like to be able to hear when I’m trying to concentrate. However, if this became a law, I would apparently have to completely take the headphones off, and put them back on when I got to the other side, to avoid the risk of being slapped with a $100 fine on top of court costs.

And, if I can handle talking on the phone while writing a paper, eating a bowl of soup, and watching a James Bond movie, I can certainly manage talking on the phone while crossing a road, especially on a bluetooth headset. In fact, I do it all the time. If somebody seriously thinks he can tell me that I can’t handle talking on the phone while walking, then we have a serious problem, and unfortunately for him, it does not lie with me.

Lastly, if someone is stupid enough to watch a movie on a portable DVD player while crossing the road, then they pretty much deserve whatever outcome results.

I guess you just have to become a senator before you can reach the level of stupidity required for this idea to make sense.

Jan 24

War Against Scientology

Go ahead and do a search for “scientology” on YouTube. You may be shocked to find that the first video that comes up is this one: not an informational video, not a video on Tom Cruise, but instead, a video declaring war against Scientology..

A group of hackers referring to themselves as “Anonymous” has decided it’s time for Scientology to meet its end, and actually managed to shut down the religion’s main website for a little while, as well as other scientology-related websites that still remain unavailable. They’ve also been prank calling the church’s hotlines and sending faxes.

In the video, “Anonymous” claims that Scientology “must be destroyed” and that their organization will eradicate it entirely from the internet.

While many people (myself included) think this is just absolutely amusing, others fear that the actions of the organization will only allow Scientology to play the “religious persecution card.” At any rate, it’s still hilarious to see the brainwashing lunatics of Scientology getting owned.

Stay posted as more unravels regarding this sudden and violent attack on one of the most popular cults in America today.